I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
