Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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