Betty ford says i'm here all night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
