my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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