I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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