Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
