your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
