he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
