We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
