Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
