Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
