You can't motorboat a personality
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
