So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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