why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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