I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
