he puts the penis in happiness.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
