my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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