you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
