Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
