i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
