wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
