I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
