so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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