So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a search helicopter?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
