It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
