Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
