did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
