How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
