remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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