THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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