I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
