dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
