I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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