Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
