My nipple is on Facebook.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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