Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
