i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
