You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
