you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
