That's intense
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
