I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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