she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
