LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
