he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
