and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am one with the molecules
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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