Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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