Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
