omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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