I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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