I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
