I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
