I just saw a hot homeless man
just tell him i said nine months
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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