I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
