Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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