It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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