I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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