This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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