sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
