I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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